open post: Empress Liu Mingyan

[empressliu]

Liu Mingyan has a lot on her mind.

In the three months since Luo Binghe vanished into thin air, Xin Mo abandoned at the foot of his throne, his Empire—her Empire—has... changed. The throne remains empty, of course—to have anyone else claim it, even temporarily, would be conceding that his absence is unintentional, either accidental or, more likely, a malicious coup. Whoever did the claiming would be the prime suspect for mal intent, including Mingyan herself. So it sits, empty, at the center of his great hall, Mobei-Jun standing sentinel beside it, never to be looked at directly by any visiting dignitary or sniveling demonic petitioner.

She's been redirecting all audiences to her wing of the palace instead. Her hall is not quite so grand, but it is nearly as imposing, and her own throne no less terrible and beautiful. When Luo Binghe is in residence, she primarily uses this hall for meetings with her network of all-female spies—not because Luo Binghe doesn't know about them, in his vague and uninterested way, but because Liu Mingyan has learned from experience that if they encounter him they turn very quickly from useful and competent agents to fawning and lovestruck young maidens, and then it's only a matter of time before they join the ranks of the harem. Liu Mingyan does not resent this; there would be no point. But she prefers to conduct her business in private nonetheless.

Now, of course, even from her own throne many of her edicts must be delivered as if they're orders that Luo Binghe left for her to give. Ning Yingying has been surprisingly useful on this front; despite Liu Mingyan's disdain for what she believed a naive and trusting heart who had given up her sect loyalty to marry for love, Ning Yinging does know Luo Binghe, perhaps better even than Liu Mingyan does, offering insight into what Luo Binghe would have said, if he had in fact instructed Mingyan on how to handle this matter. Liu Mingyan does not always take this advice—she does not always want to do what Luo Binghe would have done, especially as his absence stretches from days into weeks into months, but she does not resent it, either.

In truth, what Liu Mingyan resents is the idea that Luo Binghe will return, and she will be expected to relinquish rule back to him, and everything she has built—the tenuous and confusing peace between herself and Sha Hualing, and thus the quelling of the constant threat of southern rebellion; the ease with which she receives the other wives and soothes their fears, rather than holding herself above them;¹ the shifted tenor of court itself, with fewer public displays of violence²—all of it will go back to normal, and Liu Mingyan finds she has less taste for normal every day. It's not that she doesn't want Luo Binghe to return—of course she does—but she wishes that somehow he might return different. It's a futile thought, and a disloyal one to think about a man who created this life for her, a man she cares deeply about, but she cannot deny that she thinks it.

So when she steps down a secret stairway into a corridor that should lead to her chambers and ends up in an unfamiliar hallway instead—the light entirely wrong, the architecture unfamiliar—her first thoughts are uncharitable. It seems obvious that this is the same trap that ensnared Luo Binghe. It also seems unfair to make her the one to bring him home, and be the agent of her own undoing. She'll do it—he is her husband, and while that doesn't mean the same thing to her as it does many of his wives, it does mean something significant, as undeniable as it is ill-defined—and her Emperor. But—

She sets her jaw behind her veil and wraps her fingers around Cheng Luan's hilt, proceeding silently down the hallway.

[NSFW: Susan's thread, Janet's thread]

¹ Well, sometimes she's still above them. If you know what I mean.
² Not that there has been no violence—it's just generally conducted elsewhere. Her floors are harder to clean than Luo Binghe's.

Comments

[protagonisthalo]

The outfit signals Shen Yuan's claim to him, and even if Luo Binghe is not proud of how he's conducted himself here, he could never be ashamed of that. He raises his chin, daring her to comment further.

The words he spoke to Shen Yuan come back to him unbidden—Mingyan is my closest friend, said so confidently. An easy thing to say in her absence. It strains his nerves to put it to the test. "It is good to see you. My thoughts have turned to you often, these past few months. Come, sheath your sword and let us sit in the parlor. You are in no danger here, and we have much to discuss." He gestures in the direction of one of the mansion's many lounges.

[empressliu]

This reassurance satisfies her that he has, in fact, taken control of this place; she does as she is bid, putting aside her blade and entering the lounge. The furniture, like the architecture of the hallway, is strange; much of it appears overstuffed, overly soft, more like what one might find in a boudoir than a public parlor. She perches on the edge of a couch. "I have news of the Empire," she offers, "but I am eager to hear how you have fared here, as well." It comes out too much like she is offering to indulge him by letting him direct the conversation; she has lost the easy pattern that used to exist between them, the unthinking way he used to lead every interaction, and she follow.

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe sits on a chair across from her, reclining in the way he is accustomed—as though the room, the mansion, and everything surrounding it belongs to him. "This place is not as it seems. It is perhaps the greatest challenge I have faced. Its physical dangers are minimal, but it challenges my heart and mind, confronting me with truths long hidden. I find myself changed in unexpected ways." He wants to say I am in love, but Mingyan will not take that as anything new. She likely already assumes he's found a new wife—or more than one, given how long he's been here. She has been witness to a number of his passing infatuations before, and tolerated his enthusiastic accounts of their virtues; it won't be easy to explain how this is different.

[empressliu]

This is—not what Liu Mingyan expected. She'd anticipated a Luo Binghe triumphant with his conquering of this new realm, or bored by its limitations, not—whatever this is.

She leans forward, trying to read his face; with a strange pang she wishes Ning Yingying had been in attendance at meetings today, and they had stepped through into this new world together;¹ Yingying would be able to make sense of the conflicted feelings in their husbands' eyes in a way that she often cannot. But—he seems almost pleased by these changes, hopeful, and so she lets herself hope, too—could this really be what she'd been longing for? "What kind of changes?" she asks, quietly, trying to signal that such things are not unwelcome to her, if they are not unwelcome to him.

¹ Any other reasons for wanting Yingying to have been stepping through a secret staircase that leads directly to her bedchambers are irrelevant and for that matter don't exist in the first place, shut up.

[protagonisthalo]

"Mingyan, you are one of my closest companions and confidantes. Tell me—do you think me a happy man?"

[empressliu]

This is not a question that Liu Mingyan ever expected to be asked, but the answer rises instantly to her lips: of course not.

"No," she says. She's had this conversation with other wives, when they come to her in the dead of night, heartsick that they're unable to lift the weight from their beloved's shoulders. Luo Binghe is not built to be happy, anymore than she is; it is one of the things that unites them, the understanding that brief satisfaction—whether through pleasure or revenge—is the closest thing to true contentment they are capable of. "I have never known you to be happy, any more than you have known it of me."

This has been an unspoken truth between them; it is both freeing and a little frightening to speak it aloud.

[protagonisthalo]

"No," Luo Binghe agrees. "It's senseless to ask, isn't it? It must be so apparent. I thought myself satisfied—how could I not be, with all I've achieved? Yet I suspect the only one I was ever fooling was myself. The same cycles repeating over and over—warfare, seduction, marriage—and I a wave that keeps dashing itself against the sand, chasing these moments of exhilaration and never moving forward..." Ah, he's being maudlin. Well, Mingyan has seen him in this mood very often. "I'll say it plain. I've come to realize that women are not what I desire. I don't think I ever really have."

[empressliu]

Liu Mingyan had been following this well, nodding her understanding and sympathy—these moods are indeed not uncommon for him—right up until this final statement, which makes no sense to her at all. Luo Binghe does not desire women? How could anyone not desire women, least of all Luo Binghe, who has inarguably the most beautiful women in the entire world at his beck and call?

"I don't understand," she says, slowly. He expects her to believe he does not desire Yingying? That he does not desire Sha Hualing? Liu Mingyan desires Sha Hualing, and she hates¹ Sha Hualing. "Your wives—"

¹ ...hated?

[protagonisthalo]

"—Are indescribably precious to me, as you know. I don't plan to break any promises." He does not want Liu Mingyan to feel that this endangers her rank, not after everything they've shared. He would like Shen Yuan to be his Empress, but it would be a deep betrayal of Liu Mingyan, and her companionship is one of his greatest comforts. He will only consider it if he and Shen Yuan really do end up in his world together. "But the satisfaction I receive from them is fleeting and incomplete. I thought it was simply my nature—you know joy of any kind does not come to me easily. But this place is strange. That is why I believe it a challenge for me personally. I found the women here bizarrely cold to my advances, while the men were yielding and wanton. It has forced me to reevaluate."

[empressliu]

Liu Mingyan has found the women here perfectly open to her advances, but she thinks perhaps she should keep that to herself. She sits back, a little, to process.

This is not, then, the change that she had hoped for; of course it wasn't. It seems Luo Binghe has not reevaluated his understanding of his own power, or his desire to rule, simply the sex of those he wishes to share his bed. Fine. It's not as if she can judge him, there, though she might struggle to understand how his wives could fail to rouse his blood or bring him true satisfaction when she has first-hand experience of their talent at both.¹

"You have taken lovers here, then?" she asks. "Male lovers, rather than wives? And--" This next question is harder, for some reason; it sticks in her throat. "They have made you happy?"

¹ Not with all of them,² of course, but one might call it a representative sample.
² She doesn't even want it with all of them. But there is one exception that rankles.

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe is suddenly nervous, in a way that he has not felt in Mingyan's presence since he was about fifteen. "One lover." There have been more, but they're of no consequence. "He's... I believe he's shown me a path to happiness. I love him like I have loved no other, Mingyan. There won't be any more." He has claimed love many times, but he has never before made this promise.

[empressliu]

One. It should have been laughable. What man--even a yielding and wanton man--could possibly satisfy the Emperor? Yet Luo Binghe has an expression on his face that Liu Mingyan has never seen before, a certainty and hope in his eyes that makes him nearly alien to her, dressed as he is.

It hurts, a little, to find her husband after three months of absence and yet feel him a stranger, wrought anew; it puts her wrong-footed. Yet there is also a gladness in her, fierce and rising like bubbling water, that he has found someone. If he were one of his own wives, she would stand up and draw him to her, clasp him tightly in shared joy. But he is not; he is her Emperor, and they do not touch.

"Junshang," she says, meeting his eyes and trying to convey her simultaneous sorrow and joy, the loss she feels and the sudden, tender hope. "I--don't know what to say."

[protagonisthalo]

It puts some distance between them. Luo Binghe can sense it. He and Liu Mingyan have known each other for so long. Their relationship is based on their understanding of each other—and holding each other's secrets. He is learning how to have relationships that are not based on power or sex, and he'd hoped that it would bring him closer to those he already cares about. But perhaps he is too different, and it is too alienating. "It's no threat to you," he says. "It's... I am still learning what it means."

[empressliu]

"I know it is not," Liu Mingyan says, frustrated with herself for not having the words she needs, for this. "How could it be? I am your Empress. I won that place through my own action and worth, and you will not take it from me." She does not know, herself, if this is more expression of trust or threat, only that it is both. "And I am--pleased for you, truly I am. I make no demands that you explain yourself further, I only--" she shakes her head, sharp. "Perhaps it is--envy."

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe has often found their lack of physical intimacy to be a strength of their relationship. With his other wives, seduction and sex is such a large part of how they relate to each other—how they satisfy each other. But he and Liu Mingyan have a deeper understanding. Their affection is shown by the things they have done for each other. Of course Mingyan isn't threatened by him falling for another; her position is not based on love. It is based on respect.

And yet... At times it leaves him at a loss for how to express his care. He has given Mingyan everything she's asked for politically, and he seeks her presence often. These are already the highest indicators of esteem that he can provide. Yet he still wants to express his understanding and affection—his empathy for how she must feel—and there are no remaining avenues to do so.

"It has been illuminating," he says. "It's made me realize that... what I am seeking, when I seek a new marriage, is simple companionship. Accordingly, I have tried to achieve it without romance. I've... made friends." He really does feel nervous, as though risking rejection from his own Empress. The thought is laughable—yet the anxiety persists. "I hoped that perhaps I could consider you among their number—rather, the finest of their number, just as your grace and bearing have always outshone the rest of my wives."

[empressliu]

"I--" Liu Mingyan feels a surge of panic in her chest; of all the tasks set before her, being Luo Binghe's friend is perhaps the most unexpected and daunting. But--"I would like that," she says, low and fierce. "I don't know, exactly, what it means, what it changes, but--" she stands up, and holds out a an arm--elbow bent, like the starting position in an arm-wrestle, offering her hand for him to clasp.

[protagonisthalo]

Relief floods Luo Binghe, and he gives her a natural, genuine smile. He stands and clasps her hand in friendship.

[empressliu]

Liu Mingyan squeezes back, and it's good—but not quite adequate. With the kind of impulse she tends to think she has long outgrown, she tugs Luo Binghe forward and wraps her other arm around his back, awkwardly; it lasts only a second, a few taps of her palm against his strange shirt before she steps away again.

She is not embarrassed of this display, but she takes a moment to settle herself again, giving her husband—her friend—a small nod.

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe is a bit flustered—he is so rarely touched with platonic intent—but he nods in return and sits, indicating that that business is completed.

"I wish to hear how my Empire fares, as well as my wives, but there is one thing I must tell you first. I would like you to meet my lover, but I must explain something, and it may be hard for you to understand." He takes a moment to think how to say it before continuing. It may be hard for her to accept, but he hopes she will not judge him for it. If Liu Mingyan can trust him in any matter, it is in their shared hatred of Shen Qingqiu. No one could accuse Luo Binghe of softening on that man. Liu Mingyan least of all.

"He has suffered tragedy, as you and I both have. He died young, and awoke to find his spirit trapped in the body of another man. That man is Shen Qingqiu. It is not by his choice or preference that he appears in that form, and it is not his fault. His natural appeal and warmth shine through the vessel."

[empressliu]

Liu Mingyan's eyes widen. Luo Binghe's lover is a dead spirit, denied the cycle of reincarnation? And the form he is tied to is Shen Qingqiu's? Not the Shen Qingqiu who was limbless and spitting poison in the catacombs under their palace, surely. "He is—whole? How?"

[protagonisthalo]

"My lover comes here from a different world than ours, one where he replaced Shen Qingqiu when I was yet a child, before you and I met. Mingyan," Luo Binghe says softly, remembering. "I have seen in his memories that, in that reality, your brother yet lives."

[empressliu]

Liu Mingyan stares at him. "Alive?" she breathes. "You—you saw him? He is well?" She can hardly imagine it, what Liu Qingge could become, if he had not been betrayed and destroyed by Shen Qingqiu. She can hardly imagine herself in this other world, derailed so thoroughly from the course she has known before she and Luo Binghe had ever met. Are they friends in truth, there? Did she stay on Xian Shu with her martial sisters, untroubled by anything worse than a yao on a night hunt or a scolding from her shizun for being too profligate with her money?

[protagonisthalo]

"I saw him. Forgive me—had I known I would see you so soon, I would have investigated more. He seemed well, and I believe he and Shen Yuan—my lover—were close. You should speak to him of this matter."

[empressliu]

"I will," says Liu Mingyan. She looks forward to this meeting, now--and not only for news of her brother. There is something deeply romantic about it, after all. The only man who can soothe and satisfy Luo Binghe's weary heart, hidden behind the mask of his enemy--the two of them, meeting here, despite every reason they should never know one another, never discover this love. "It is poetic," she says, quietly. "Your true love, in the body of your greatest hate."

[protagonisthalo]

"Yes," Luo Binghe says with a smile. "It is poetic. I wish he did not have the mantle of that vile man's crimes weighing him down. But to house Shen Yuan's soul is the only good Shen Qingqiu has ever done, and I am grateful for it." He sits back, more at ease now that Liu Mingyan has been apprised of the important matters. "Now, tell me. How is my Yingying?"